Thorns of a Rose

Posted: March 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

Women are generally expected to be delicate flowers, gentle and sweet.  What’s funny, though, is that some of the prettiest flowers are the most poisonous or have the sharpest thorns.  A Tough Bitch must have those thorns, otherwise, she’ll make a great doormat.
I’m not talking thorns that are the result of you being a harpy or an utter, downright Mean Cunt/ Cruel Jackass.  I’m talking thorns like standing up for yourself, thorns like knowing what you want, thorns like not letting someone else stand in your way.  Stuff that protects you and won’t harm someone if they know how to handle you.
Learn the difference  between protective thorns and Mean Cunt barbs.  If you find yourself with Mean Cunt barbs, figure out how to remove them or turn them into thorns.  A Tough Bitch is NOT a Mean Cunt.

Define Your Armor

Posted: March 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

Armor.  The word evokes the image of a knight on a white horse, or of a battlefield.  It evokes safety while one is engaged in battle, protecting you while allowing you to move. So why does that armor you wear against the world hinder you more than help you?

Think of all the things  you use as armor to avoid being hurt by the world.  Sarcasm, cynicism, being jaded, and not allowing people close are only a few examples.  For some people, what was once a light effective piece of armor (the equivalent of mithril chainmail) has evolved and grown into a huge and complicated piece of clothing (wearing stone armor.)  You added on one defense at a time, not noticing the added weight, until it pulled you down.  There are others who have negligible armor (strategically placed ribbons) and are constantly getting bent out of shape over the smallest stuff.

Armor that served you well in your past may be utterly useless now.  Maybe because it no longer fits, maybe because it’s designed against stabbing attacks as opposed to slicing attacks, maybe because it’s gotten too heavy.  It’s up to you to go through your arsenal of armor and figure out what pieces best serve your life right now.  Don’t overload yourself. For some, it may be easier to start removing defenses until it gets wearable again. For others, a simple padded silk armor is all they need.  It needs to be light enough that it doesn’t drag you down or affect your decisions, but heavy enough to serve its purpose, even if that sole protection is a tough outer skin.
Choose your armor carefully, but don’t think you’ll be able to use it forever and don’t try to.  Adaptation is a soldier’s/ Tough Bitch’s/ Badass’s most useful trait.

Windows and Doors

Posted: March 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

“Nothing is impossible.” Everyone’s heard that at least once in their life, usually when we’re about to give up on something.  When it’s said, most people really want to just reach out and slap the platitude spouting motherfucker.    Sometimes, it just AIN’T gonna work out, no matter how much blood, sweat, and tears you put into it.
This post is not an excuse to give up when things get tough.  You do that, you’re barred from calling yourself a Tough Bitch or a Badass.  This post is to say that, if you’ve given it all you got and it still feels like you’re making no progress, look for a different path or an open window.  You may not get past the ogre by clubbing him over the head, but if you grab his balls and squeeze, he’ll probably pass out and let you by.  This new path may seemingly take you away from your goal or shift your goal, but if it’s the right path, it comes out to be what’s best for YOU.

Don’t beat your head against the door if there’s an open window.  You may need to break said window, it’s still a lot less energy and time and trying to batter the door open with your skull.  The door’ll win every time, I don’t care how hard your skull is.  Use the damn window.

Perfect Never Comes

Posted: March 10, 2011 in Uncategorized

Don’t reach for “perfect” this, “perfect” that, or “If I just get to this point, I’ll be happy.”  “Perfect” never happens.  Even those whose house/ body/ family/ life are “perfect” are still tweaking.  Don’t settle for “good enough,” either.  Settling just leads to frustration and stagnancy. Accept that life is a journey, not a race to a destination.
Don’t believe me? Alright, let’s assume you get a GORGEOUS, hot, lean, sexy body tomorrow. Just, BAM, here’s your so-called dream body. Would you not keep tinkering with it to make it even “better?”  Don’t you lie to me, yes, you would.  It’s human nature.  We can’t see something we care about and not try to find a better design.  It’s why we have such convoluted brains.
Don’t reach for “perfect,” perfection never comes.  Don’t give up and settle right now, that’s stagnation and danger lies thataway.  Keep reaching for the next rock, the next rung on the ladder, but bear in mind, the ladder won’t end until you die and it’s an unending mountain.

Gratitude

Posted: March 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

“Thank you.”

Those are two of the most elusive words in the average western lexicon.  For most folks, it ranks right below “Kiss my ass” and right above “What the fuck?”  Sure, you say it automatically in a lot of cases (birthday gifts, someone passes you a plate, someone passed the cake), but how often do you mean it as anything other than verbal niceties?

To get a true “Thank You” (not a muttered “thanks” that means jackshit) makes your day.  You feel recognized. You feel like you’ve actually helped someone out and done at least one good deed for the day.
Start meaning it when you say it.  Look them in the eye, smile (no car salesman or evil grins, please), and say “Thank you.”  Put the inflection in your voice that takes it from social requirement to honestly meaning it.  Not only will you start making people happier and make the world a slightly better place, it’s better for YOU.

Thank yous aren’t just verbal either.  It’s been proven many times that a thank you note or card sticks out favorably in the recipients mind, be it a thank you card for an interview or a note for a gift.  It may be old fashioned, but the snail mail ones stick out the most and mean the most.  It takes all of 5 minutes ad less than 50 cents to make them feel like you really appreciate whatever it was they did.

That’s right, there’s some self serving in this too.  Grateful people people are perceived as gracious, loving, helpful people.  You know, the kind of person you hate to see harm come to.  Those 2 words ingratiate you on society and make you seem the Sweet Southern Belle (or Strong Southern Gentleman) that everyone wants to love and help.  Gratitude is also shown to lower stress and therefore help guard your body against illness and injury.  All that.  From 2 little words said with intent.

 

Respect

Posted: March 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

Respect is something everyone wants, regardless of whether or not they’ve proven they should be respected.  I’m not saying respect should be earned, that’s up to your personal discretion.  I am saying that respect is not something given lightly.  Think of those you respect.  Generally, they’re older, wiser, or (were) in a position of power, right?
Pop quiz: did that list include yourself?  It’d better have.
If you offer respect to someone, it’s because you admire them and acknowledge their efforts and wisdom.  You respect your parents because they raised you.  You respect your religious leader because he or she has taken a path that brings the religious wisdom.  You respect various people because they have proven worthy of being respected.  But do you respect yourself?
Sure, you say you do, but is that just lip service?  Do you treat yourself with respect or do you talk down and berate yourself? Do you treat your body with respect or do you shut it up like a whiny child?    If you can’t treat yourself with respect, you can’t expect others to treat you with respect.
You gotta find your swagger, the one that says “Fuck off if you don’t like me, because I like me.”  The one that’ll walk you through the deepest ghetto without getting any shit.    Don’t know where you put it?  Fake it til you make it.  Once you’ve found your swagger, put on your Tough Bitch Bra and Stillettos of Asskicking and prove that you should be respected.

Whooooo Are You? Who? Who?

Posted: March 7, 2011 in Uncategorized

In keeping with a running theme on this blog, y’know, the one where I challenge you to accept and acknowledge all of yourself, I ask you a deceptively simple question.  On the surface, it’s an easy question.

“I’m a working mom/ dad on my way to being healthy”

“I’m a bitch,  I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother…”

“I’m a generic carbon unit on the 3rd planetoid from Sol in the Milky Way”

Those are all fine and dandy, except those aren’t who you are.  They are parts and pieces of you, but they don’t DEFINE you.  Sure, I guess you could expand that out into a dictionary sized definition, but that still wouldn’t be all of you.  There’s a galaxy of knowledge and soul inside that body of yours, and that won’t fit anywhere short of inside you.
Galaxies are defined by their own name and an acknowledgment of their existence, plus a healthy dose of respect.   That is the answer to who you are.  The correct answer is “I am ME.  I am [insert full name and list of titles, family ties, etc here.]  I am my own person and no one else’s.”

 

With acknowledgments to The Who and Alanis Morisette for the lyrics.