Defining Love

Posted: August 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

There are multiple definitions for love, simply because it comes in so many forms and is not easily defined in any of them. There’s self love (ME!!!), familial love (you love ’em ’cause you hafta, not ’cause you wanna), platonic love (the love for a good friend you DON’T want to fuck), agape love (love is), religious love (love of a deity), romantic love (love for the person you’re romantically attached to), and more.  There’s the webster’s definition, the OED definition, the child’s definition, and the definition that cannot be described in mere words (people have been trying to do that for centuries.)  Let’s not even get into when the various forms of love crossbreed and mutate…

I would wager that there is one quote, word, facial expression, or other expression for YOUR definition of ALL love.  Not for agape love, not for college papers, not for whispering sweet nothings, but for ALL love.  I have two, because one is an extension of the other:  “Love is,” and Robert Heinlein’s “Love is that condition in which [something/ someone]’s happiness is essential to your own.”

Use it in all your life. Apply it to your love of yourself, apply it to your love of your family, your career, everything.  If you truly believe it, and use it well, then you will have yourself a Tough Bitch [Badass] Red Sword of Agape, which cuts through any fuckery like… well, like a hot knife through butter.  (It’s a +10 Tough Bitch Red Sword of Agape, for those playing the table top game.) 
Fuck “Got Milk.”  Got Love?


Simple Bitch

Posted: June 23, 2011 in Encouragement, self love

There was a song my daddy played a lot when I was growing up:  Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man.”  If  you’ve never heard it, I’ll wait right here while you go rectify that sacrilege and listen to it.  Male or female, that song still has some damn good advice in it.
1) Live a simple life.  Don’t stir up the drama, be good to folks, no lies… if you wouldn’t tell Gramma about it, don’t do it.
2) Only marry/ live with/ raise kids with/ whatever someone you love and understand.  If one isn’t there, the other isn’t.  If love AND understanding aren’t there, you need to take a closer look at that relationship.
3)”Trouble’s will come and they will pass.”  Life goes on. Whether you want it to or not, life goes on.
4) There’s someone up above.  This doesn’t just mean a deity, although if you believe in one, stick faith here. This also means that there is always someone more important than the issue or person at hand, even if it’s only you, yourself, and you or your kiddos. Realize this, cherish this. 
5)”Be something you love and understand.” This isn’t just talkig about work, although knowing very little about your job and having no love for it is a very good way to end up hating it or no longer having it.  It’s also talking about YOU. You will love yourself most and have the greatest joie d’ve if you live a life you love and if you understand why you do things.
6)”Forget your lust for rich man’s gold.”  Money’s great, but love, family, friends and joy are greater. Money may make the world go ’round, but love makes the ride worthwhile.  That includes self- love and wearing the Stillettos of Ass Kicking.
7)”All I want is for you to be satisified.”  This is everyone’s wish for all they love: to have everything they need, want for nothing, and to love their life.
8)”Follow your heart.. and nothing else.”  If your heart ain’t in it, you ain’t in it. If you’re following someone else’s dream then you aren’t living your own life and your will NEVER be satisfied. Listen to those that love you, but realize you have to carve your own path.
9) “Don’t live too fast.”  The faster life goes, the faster it drains away.  Slow down, smell the calla lilies, and watch.  Relax, love, and enjoy yourself.  If you don’t enjoy your life, no one else can do it for you.
10) What’s worth saying is worth repeating.  What’s worth doing is worth doing right.

Duct Tape & WD-40

Posted: May 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

Duct tape and WD- 40 will fix anything.  If it moves and it shouldn’t use the duct tape; if it doesn’t move and it should, hit it with the WD-40.

 I’d like to introduce you to the emotional equivalents of those two: kindness and a stiff spine.  These aren’t menat to be used against others, although they can be used with others so long as manipulation is not the intent, but rather on yourself. These are tools for YOUR sticky spots and loose parts.

 Kindness to yourself and self love will go a LONG way towards solving much inner turmoil.  Forgiving yourself, not beating up on yourself, and not beating a dead horse all fall uner that umbrella.  If you treat yourself as you’d treat another person (provided you like said person), things go a lot more smoothly.  So you did something wrong. Figure out a way to make sure it doesn’t happen again (alarm, anyone?) and then forgive yourself.  No point in continually rubbing your own nose in it.  If you wouldn’t berate  a 3 year old over, don’t berate yourself over it. Be nice to yourself.  Love yourself. It’s not the end of the world (unless it is, but that’s another post.)

A stiff spine will solve a multitude of other problems.  Tired of being a doormat, a pushover, and in general being walked all over?  Stand up for yourself and what you believe in.  If your spine is as limp as cooked spaghetti, work your way up to standing up for everything.  Start at holding your own ground in a discussion with a loved one.  It’s also a means of standing up to yourself.  You will have the spine to tell the Mean Cunt side of yourself  to go fuck herself when she starts harping on you. You will be able to tell that craving for [food, spending needless money, whatever] to go to hell. You will be able to hold your ground against that darker part of you always planting seeds of doubt and self- distrust.

Self kindness and a stiff spine are the ghetto rigging tools in your psychological toolbox.  If you have nothing else, you ALWAYS have those. Why not use ’em?

What’s the last thing you did that you’re proud of?  Speak up for something you hold dear? Hold down a conversation with someone you don’t particularly care for? Skip that dessert that was calling your name?
I’d bet dollars to nickels that half of you tried to downplay or ignore that question.  Many people seem to think that pride in oneself is a bad, bad thing. Even more think that to give yourself credit, as opposed to someone else seems selfish. Neither is true.  If you don’t blow your own horn, no one else will do it for you.
You gotta give yourself credit where credit is due.  Is it something you’d congratulate a friend over?  Then give yourself credit for it and congratulate yourself.  Accept a compliment with a smile.  Give yourself the full blessing to say “that was my idea” or “I did it!”
It’ll feel odd the first several (hundred) times.  I can tell you that from personal experience.  It’s part of that whole self- love thing I keep harping on, and self love is generally percieved as unnecessary or downright evil in the modern society. All the same, it is a necessary beauty.  If you cannot give yourself credit, you will become a doormat to the world.  Not just the people in the world, but a doormat to every whim, urge, and backlash.  If you don’t give yourself credit, no one will give it to you.
Remember when you were little and Mom (Dad, Gramma, whoever) said “keep making that face and it’ll stick?”  Same thing goes with denying yourself credit and denying yourself love.  If you never tell yourself that you are worthy, that you do deserve congratulations, that you did earn whatever it was, eventually, you will believe that you are unworthy, never worth recognition, and can’t do anything.  That ain’t true.  ANYONE and EVERYONE has something to be proud of.  Point blank.  End of story.  That includes you. Yes, you.  No, don’t go looking behind you for the “you” I’m talking to.  I mean the person reading this post right now with your eyes.

So, give yourself some credit.  If you take it overboard and become an Arrogant Bitch or Arrogant Badass, at least that’s better than being a Pansy Wimp.

Heh.  Been a while, hasn’t it?  Errr….   Oh well.  HI!

On to a topic I’ve been meaning to hit for a while: procrastination.

I’ll do it later.  I’ll get around to it.  It’ll happen eventually.  Sound familiar?  Welcome to the Order of the Two Headed Tortoise, AKA Procrastinators Anonymous.  We’ll meet tomorrow.  People procrastinate all. the. time.  They run into repercussions all. the. time.  So why do you procrastinate?
Most folks procrastinate for one (or more) of 3 reasons:
1) the task to do is boring
Let’s face it: boredom blows.  And not in a good, smack someone in the face way either.  It blows like a bad crack whore.  If what needs to be done isn’t real high on your “fun shit” list, you’re gonna put it off until the last minute or until your only other option is something even more boring.  The solution is NOT make it more fun.  So far as I know, waiting at the DMV to take a new photo will never be fun.  A book and headphones make it bearable, but that’s about it.  The solution is one of 2 things: Put on your Tough Bitch Bra and go to battle (as in, a battle againstthe boring task; you win when the task is finished), or promise yourself a HEALTHY reward once the task is over(not ice cream on a diet, not a shopping spree if you’re broke, something that you won’t feel guilty over later.)  I tend to prefer option A, but there are others who swear by Option B.  Whatever works.
2)It’s a distasteful task
It’s something you don’t like doing anyways (taxes, anyone?), so why on earth would you waste your valuable time that you could be spending dusting the hangers in the guest closet?  Unfortunately, the correct answer is that taxes come before dusty hangers.  It needs to get done and there are ramifications if you don’t do it.  Taxes?  Legal trouble.  Timesheet?  Wanna get paid? On and on and on.  The solution here is to do it before the more enjoyable tasks, that way A) there isn’t the dark storm cloud of anticipation hanging over the fun stuff, and B ) it’s done and you can go about your life without reminding yourself every 5 minutes “I really should do [whatever]…”
3)  There’s better stuff to do
That may be so, but it needs to get done.  WoW may be fun, but it don’t put food on the table (if it does, I’ve got some contacts for you.)  Eating out every night may be nice, but your bank account suffers.  Cleaning isn’t exactly fun, but a trashed house is worse.  Figure out what your required ratio of fun: work is for you to get shit done.  1 hr work= 3 hours fun?  BZZT  Wrong Answer Hans.  You’ve got shit to do.  Unfortunately, the same solution applies here and did in #2: Get off your ass and do it.

I wish I could tell you that this post’ll solve all your procrastination problems.  It won’t.  You’ll hafta work at it for everything that needs to happen.  The best procrastination you could EVER do?


Tough Cheerleader

Posted: March 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

What do you think of when I say “cheerleader?”  A skinny blond bimbo in minimal clothing bouncing around?  Allow me to introduce you to your new best friend, the Tough Cheerleader.
She’s the one I want you to start listening to.  She’s the one who pops up whenever you start getting down on yourself. She’s not the voice of the berater, she’s the voice in the background quietly saying “This is all horseshit and you know it.  How can you beat up the wonderful person you are?”  She’s the one hiding in the shadows of your mind offering the ever self loving, ever self aware side of the coin.
She doesn’t wear the skimpy outfit (well, maybe for some of you she does), nor does she hop around doing highkicks with pompoms.  She’s you own personal cheerleader.  She’s the one that is forever whispering in your ear “You didn’t fail 5000 times, you just found 5000 ways not to do it.  Keep going, you can do this!” (yes, I’m aware I just butchered a Thomas Edison quote, that was intentional.)
I want you to start hearing her, encouraging her to speak louder.  I want her to eventually come out of the shadows and replace the Mean Cunt.  Her name is your name, she is the forever persistent version of you.  She’s the one who hands you your Tough Bitch Bra, she’s the one who helps you into your Stilettos  of Ass Kicking.  If you let her, she’ll make your life that much better and easier, while all the Mean Cunt wants is to drag you down into the muck.  It’s your choice, ultimately, with every decision you make and every thought you have: Tough Cheerleader, or Mean Cunt?

Breaking the Box

Posted: March 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

Self Esteem can pretty much be translated as “if you’ve got it, flaunt it.”  It’s self confidence, self assuredness, and self love all rolled into one ginormous mass of mental masturbation.  It’s knowing that you look better in that dress/ suit than a skinnier person because YOU are the one wearing it.  It’s that swagger that says “yeah, I got it.”  It’s knowing thyself and being perfectly ok with, even loving to some extent, your flaws.
Unfortunately, there are those who’ve had the self esteem beaten out of them (in some cases literally) by a world with a pigeonhole to put them in.  These are the people who stare out the window and sigh because they can’t stand to go outside, for fear of the laughter.  These are the people who starve themselves to lose just 2 more pounds.  Thse are the people, who, no matter how perfect their life looks on the outside, are absolutely miserable because they gave up their soul to keep the masses happy.  There are too many people out there who allow themselves to be sliced and diced and shoved into a box of someone else’s expectations.
Once you’ve lost yourself, once you’ve lost your self esteem, it’s a hard fight to get it back.  Losing weight won’t fix it, designer clothes won’t fix it, an armcandy SO won’t fix it.  YOU have to delve deep within yourself and find it.  Sorry, this is one thing you can’t rely on the kindness of others for.  YOU have to find it.
How do you get there?  Find that spark of yourself that never died, the one that never got shoved away completely.  If you’re reading this blog, you obviously have something there, otherwise it wouldn’t have piqued your interest.  It could be a deep empathy for others, it could be a strong curiosity about everything, it could be an interest in a form of cooking others don’t care for.  It could be anything, find it.  It’s that one part of your personality that never quite fit in the box, no matter how hard you tried. Sarcasm counts, too.  Find it?  Start following strings.  Every love, attachment, charm, quirk has at least one string linking to something else in your personality.  Sarcasm can lead to your sense of humor, an empathy for others can lead to a love of helping….  Keep following strings.  If a string breaks or comes up a dead end, find another one.

You will start breaking out of that box as you find parts of yourself.  There will be naysayers.  Ignore them.  With each discovery, start using it and having fun with it until it’s something you’re proud to call part of you.  Congratulations, you’re building self esteem.  You may not leave the box all the way, that’s fine, too, so long as you have the self love to know where YOU end and the box begins.
It will require a Tough Bitch and ALL her resources and aforementioned articles (armor, spike heels of asskicking, tough bitch bra, all that) to break out of that box, to find all of her self esteem, and to give the whole world a “Kiss my ass if you don’t like me” middle finger.  It’ll be hard.  It’ll be worth it.